Monday, May 26, 2008

Under the first ring you could hear another. It was quieter, almost imperceptible, it was almost unnoticeable, but it was there. It was odd.
"Umm, oh, hi."
There was a long pause here as the caller recollected his thoughts.
"Hello?" questioned the receiver, this time a bit agitated.
"Yeah, heh, sorry about that, um, hi this is Eric Cottrell, from your ward--" he let his voice trail off, waiting for some sign of recognition.
"Hi Eric."
"I was calling about the ward directory."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah, umm, I was calling because we don't have your picture and I was wondering if I could stop by in about an hour or so to take it. Would that be cool?"
"Oh, no, I'm actually going out right now. Sorry."
"Oh, no don't worry about it man; but do you think there would be a better time that I could stop by? Maybe tomorrow? Or maybe I could just get it off of Facebook?"
"Well, you know, I really don't think so... to be honest I don't really want to have my picture in the directory."
"Umm..." now there was another pause as the caller recollected his train of thought. "What?" he said to himself, "who gives a freak about their picture in some stupid directory. Its not like anyone's going to do anything weird with it... that's just odd."
"Hey, if you want, you can just put something funny in there or whatever. I just don't really want to be associated with a directory, okay?"
"Uh, yeah, okay, no problem man. Well, uh, thanks again. Talk to you later."
"Yeah, cool. Talk to you later."
It was until years later that the caller saw the headline-- "PROVO BOY DIES IN HORRIBLE PAPERCUT-DIRECTORY INCIDENT: FAMILY SHOCKED."

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

All Night Long!!!

Whatever happened to parties? When I was a boy a party meant that people were going to have fun. There would be cake and presents and games and even a special treat bag. Those were great parties.
Then there was an evolution to "boy/girl" parties (note: these were not hermaphrodite theme parties but rather parties in which both boys and girls were invited). I have always been very intrigued by those parties. I would usually stand and feel awkward for a while until my friends wanted to leave. I never really understood these parties. The old ones made sense, they were an opportunity to have fun. These new ones were so enigmatic to me. They were not fun. What were they for? In theory,the idea was for us to hang out. How can you plan to hang out? Doesn't that kind of ruin the point? On top of this, they generally had music playing just loud enough that you can't really understand what is being said. On top of all of this I usually knew only one other person.
This takes us to the present. After entering college, I realized that any hope of a return to the older kind of party was futile (note: actually, I have been to one of these kind of rehashed parties. NOT GOOD. It was just too weird.). I went to a few and found them very similar to the boy/ girl parties. Then, after quite a few unsuccessful parties, I realized that by just turning the volume up on the stereo, the boring boy/girl parties could become DANCE PARTIES. This realization saved my party life. If there is one thing that I like, it is shakin' it (note: if you don't know what it is don't ask.) Oh how I've passed the nights away into the early morning moving to the latest hits. It seems like they've all been so great. However, I've noticed a disturbing trend, for some reason people have been trying to revert to the old boring parties. I hope that by writing this, I can make a difference. People, if your going to throw a party MAKE IT LIVE! Turn up the rap music or just don't invite me.